I woke up around three o’clock in the morning, again. This time it was with the realization that I, or at least the characters in my stories, live in the past.
This past week I have been fixing some of my writings to allow the reader to live the experience along with the characters, rather than simply reading about things which have happened to them. A few minutes ago I told Barbara, who has in the meantime fallen back to sleep beside me, that I feel the way in which I write may be an important clue into the way I see the world.
I came to the realization that I tend to write, at least when writing stories and poetry, in third-person past-tense. Barbara said, “It’s because you’re too tense.” then rolled away from me so she could sleep, as once again I reached for my iPad in the middle of the night. I feel the need to express my thoughts on this subject, before they are lost in the haze of dreams that are sure to come this morning.
Do I see the world, and live my life, looking at the past in third-person, in a constant state of disconnection? It will be interesting to see what my writings say about how I view my existance, how I look at myself and the world around me. Am I ever looking to the past for the answers to life’s questions, or toward the future with hope? Am I constantly looking back at the things that have happened to me, holding on to hurt, trying to relive happier times, or am I able to live in the now, experience life as it happens? Does all this say something profound about my psychological state, or does it speak to my need of a refresher course in proper grammar? 😉
It will be interesting to review what I have written, in order to better understand who I am. I may discover, as I review my past musings, that this was simply lunatic ravings, which occasionally occur in the midst of the night, or it could possibly lead to real change in how I look at life going forward. I suppose the only way to know is to search for the answer in the past, but for now I sleep.